Learning how to swim at 29
And rebelling against my ego
I missed out on a lot of childhood essentials 101 growing up. Biking, swimming, skating, dancing. Physical activities in general.
I don’t know if it was because my parents were a little absent, or because of the Chinese culture and education system that only cared about children's intellectual - not physical - development, or because I was absorbed in a world of music and literature. Probably all of the above.
As I grew up, I became an uncoordinated and clumsy adult. And it can be really fucking embarrassing. The more embarrassed I was, the more I avoided physical activities. And the more I avoided them, the more embarrassed I became.
I started learning how to bike when I was 24. I’m still not very good at it, but I’ve experienced some wonderful moments while biking. It’s a blissful feeling of freedom that only comes from a state of flow in both the body and the mind. Most importantly, it connected me to the earth, to the now, to myself.
Learning how to bike also taught me to get over my embarrassment.
Similar to biking, swimming is one of those things that most kids learn at a young age. And for years I’ve felt too embarrassed to take lessons as a teenager, and then later as a young adult. I told myself that I’d already missed the window of opportunity for learning it.
I’m proud that I’ve finally reached a point in my personal growth where I can see when my ego is in the way of my happiness.
A very simple happiness. Being able to swim.
And so, I signed up for adult swimming lessons this summer. It felt like a little secret rebellion against my ego. Fuck you, you don’t control me.
Last night, I went to my first swimming lesson. I learned how to float on my front and back, and I had a glimpse of how it might feel once I could swim. So I’m already looking forward to the next lesson.
And yes, my swimming instructor is clearly a teenager, and that is indeed a little embarrassing. But I’d like to think it’s not as embarrassing as not taking action to avoid a little embarrassment.
In fact, I think I’d like to always be a beginner at something.
What other childhood essentials should I learn next?